The currents of emotion sway and shift, surface and swirl…and sometimes..sometimes..

Sometimes I have my doubts.

Sometimes I have moments where I wonder if it’s all any good.  When I take the time to feel around, to look around, to sense around me..there’s so much pain masquerading as anger and bravado masquerading as fear and loneliness and self deprecation and well..sometimes I wonder what good the little bit of love i try to create does to help any of it.

It’s an artists moment of disillusion. And i know..alot of us have them.

Goddess knows I do.

But three things happened this past week that helped me to re-balance.

One:

Going to See Yvonne Fly Onakeme Etaghene’s performance at the NYC center.( check her out here: www.myloveisaverb.com)

A beautiful show featuring poetry, love & art. So much happened that evening that touched me, but one thing in particular really struck a chord.

Yvonne said, and i paraphrase loosely ( And i’d like to think she looked at me when she said it, as if to know I needed to hear it, but then, reality is always what the observer desires, right?)

But anyway she said:

“Somewhere someone has your words wrapped around their wrists to stop the bleeding.” She went on to say, and i paraphrase loosely:

” that is the reason why we should still write, and share and create. Cause you never know who may come across your blog, your spoken word, your you tube video, your books, and you don’t know how that may help heal them in that moment. Your art could mean everything to someone to find the strength to survive into the next moment.”

Powerful.

And then; I went to Harlem Pride and performed this weekend, my first “official” performance in NYC since I landed, and I had a great time. But even more amazing I got to hang out with author/publisher Marvin bell, Rapper/Spoken word artist/activist Kevin Kaoz Moore, and dancers/choreographers Kerrell & Ja’malik.

We sat on a stoop during the show together, and then went off to Amy Ruth’s for some damn good soul food and um..some damn sugary kool aid. (I mean, that shit was crucial. Like FOR REAL. So sweet they passed out complimentary insulin packs along with every glass! Lol. Jk)

But what was inspiring about each of these amazing black men, was hearing how they had fashioned their visions and dreams into reality fearlessly.And spending time with black men, without a spirit of competition hovering above us, without “reads” rolling off our tongues every second, but instead with just a sincere silliness, appreciation and love for each other was nice. Healing. Wondrous. It’s what my soul needed. I left the night feeling so full, so appreciative and so glad that each and everyone one of them existed. Living magic all of them. Gotta love it.

When i got home that nite; I reflected on the week and a line from one of my favorite essays by Alice walker came into my head.

It’s called “The Civil Rights Movement: What good was it.?”

In this essay, Alice talks about the critiques of the civil rights movement. She speaks to those who say that nothing was intrinsically transformed and that massive inequity still is a staple in American culture and society.

Unfortunately my copy of the book in which the essay is in “In Search of Our Mothers Gardens” is in ATL still in storage, but i do recall loosely this one line that has helped me with my disillusion time and time again.

Alice says (loosely): “What good was the civil rights movement? If it helped to feed one child, liberate one person’s mind than it was good.”

I often think of that when i do my work. Sometimes after creating, or organizing etc the same question may pop up into my head: What good was that Yolo?

And then i remember the spirit of Alice’s words:

I think to myself, If it helped one person see their beauty, If it helped one person stop a self hating narrative in their heads, if it inspired one person to write, to laugh, to cry to celebrate, if it healed one person.. if it just added more loving energy into the ether…than it was good. Than it was great. Hell, even if it only helped you yourself, it was worth it.

Powerful words. And a  powerful lesson.

Whatever you do out there. Keep creating. Someone in the universe’s life may depend on it…

yolo